


see you there

by disaster_queer



Series: Secrets and Swordfights [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Is A Good Friend, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Deceit | Janus Sanders Needs a Hug, Gen, Miscommunication, No beta we duck out like virgil, Rated teen for swearing, Secrets & Swordfights, They all need hugs, and to wORK OUT THEIR FUCKING ISSUES, nobody has shit figured out, or at least he's not actively hindering roman trying to figure shit out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disaster_queer/pseuds/disaster_queer
Summary: Roman does something stupid. Remus helps. Janus has no idea what he's doing
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Secrets and Swordfights [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1928962
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	see you there

**Author's Note:**

> hey! sorry this took so long, i've had a *lot* going on. 
> 
> alternative title for this fic: "no healthy communication we die like the fucking idiots we are"

Great. Perfect. Excellent. _Exactly_ what he needed. Roman shook his head, a hysterical laugh escaping his lips. 

He had no idea what he was going to do. Did he even _want_ to see Janus? Why should he? Was Janus going to try to convince him to not tell the others about what he’d found out the previous night?

“Roman! Calm down! I can practically hear you spiraling in there!” Remus shouted through the door. No, no, _no_ , he didn’t have the energy to deal with Remus right now, he couldn’t do it, he _couldn’t_. 

The door flew open, and Remus rushed in. Roman avoided his gaze, and tried to focus on slowing his breathing and not crying, whatever he did, he was _not_ going to cry because Janus wasn’t worth that and he refused to cry in front of his brother anyway-   
  


“Hey, listen, you need to take a deep breath and stop panicking because I don’t know what to do, should I call Virgil? Patton? Logan, even?” Remus paused. “Probably shouldn’t call Janus.” 

“No.” Roman found his voice again. “Please don’t call anyone. I’m fine. Just a little stressed is all.” This conversation was going to be hard enough without a Patton-lecture right beforehand. 

Remus leveled him with an unimpressed look. “Sure, and that’s why you were about to fall apart when I came in. What really happened?” 

“Fine! Janus texted me asking to meet and I did not have the emotional competency to deal with it!” Roman glared at the floor. “Happy now?”

“Oh shit, Ro.”  
  


“That sums it up pretty well.” 

“So, are you going?”

“I don’t know,” Roman admitted. “I really don’t know what I should do.”

“Do you want advice, or do you just want to talk it out and have me tell you if what you’re considering is stupid?”

“Both. Either one.” He sighed, burying his face in his hands. “I just don’t understand why this is happening, Remus.”

“Alright, then. What happened that caused this-” he paused for a moment and made a face- “ _situation_?”

“Well, Janus admitted he was lying and everything and I had no clue what to do about it! So then I just said “oh it’s getting late, good night” and went to sleep, and then-”

“And then you avoided him and tried to repress all your feelings until getting home from school today,” Remus sighed, and rolled his eyes. “Has anyone ever told you to stop bottling up your emotions all the time?”

“Patton tells me that pretty much every day,” Roman mumbled, avoiding eye contact. 

Remus let out an exasperated breath. “And you never listen.” 

Roman glared at him halfheartedly. “Seriously, what do I do?”

“Well, if _I_ were you, I’d go meet Janus, but I’m not exactly a model of great decisions.” Remus shrugged. 

Roman swallowed, then nodded. 

**_Princey:_ ** _See you there._

“I’m going to go see him,” he said determinedly. He had to do it, he needed some closure no matter what he decided to do, and odds were that Janus needed the exact same thing. His friend- Roman had settled on calling him a friend for now- had seemed on the verge of a breakdown the last time they’d spoken. With a little luck, everything would be fine. 

Remus blinked, once, then twice. “ _Please_ tell me you’re kidding.”

“Nope!” Roman said cheerfully, not knowing where this new surge of confidence came from, but wanting to hold onto it nonetheless. 

Remus groaned. “I’m never letting you take my advice again.”

“Don’t have time! I’ll have to hurry if I want to get there on time!” Roman beamed. He could do this. He dashed out of the room, and raced downstairs. 

“Why me.” The muffled sound of Remus’s complaint was audible through the door. 

\----

They were never just words.

Every lie that Janus told, everything he said to make Patton smile a little more, or to give Virgil a little more confidence, or to draw Logan out of his shell, all of it was so much more than words. It was a shield, and it was safety. The lies kept him around, kept him anchored, kept people interested in what he would say next and he couldn’t let them go now. 

It made sense, that the only time he told the truth would be the end of everything.

Perhaps he was being dramatic, but that was how he felt, and there was no point in hiding from himself. 

It certainly was something out of one of Roman’s fairytales, though. He had started the countdown to the confrontation he knew was coming. And now he was going to have to deal with it. 

Although, that might be a little difficult, considering he hadn’t spoken since he’d said goodbye to Virgil on the way home from school. 

Despite what Roman probably thought, Janus wasn’t nearly as self-assured as he’d felt while sending that text. He didn’t trust himself one bit not to panic and spin some more lies to try to get himself out of the situation he’d gotten himself into. Not to mention he still wasn’t sure what his strategy was during the inevitable “so, you’ve been lying to all of us this entire time for what reason exactly?” conversation that was drawing ever closer. 

He was such an idiot. 

_Is it too late to just go home and pretend this never happened?_ Janus idly wondered. That would require either explaining that he’d been in the midst of a self-hatred spiral and had to rush home or convincing Roman that he had never invited him to the coffee shop in the first place, the latter being akin to gaslighting, if not outright gaslighting, something Janus would very much have preferred to steer clear of. He may be an awful person, but at least he had the decency to _not_ abuse his friends. 

Not that his pathetic coping mechanism, if it could even be called that, wasn’t almost at that level already. 

He exhaled imperceptibly. _Calm down. Make a list of concerns you have, it’ll ground you._

  * _I told Roman about my lying without explaining why, then avoided him for an entire school day. Number one on the list of stupidest things I’ve ever done._


  * I asked him to meet me here like an idiot, even though I wasn’t in a great mental space at the time. 


  * I’m a complete and total moron, and at this point I would be better off- 



He cut that thought off before it could go any farther. He’d let his mental state get bad enough already, he wasn’t going to make it worse by allowing _that_ kind of thought in. Before long he’d be in no shape to have the conversation at all, and with his luck, that’s when Roman would decide to show up. 

He took a sip of his coffee to ground himself, the bitter taste almost shocking him. _Again, really? At this rate you’ll have another ‘oh shit, I forgot what was real and what wasn’t while I was caught up in my own head’ episode,_ he chided himself. _Fool._

So maybe the self-hatred spiral was worse than he’d thought. It was entirely his own fault. Of course it was. Him and his stupid fucking feelings and his stupid fucking voice and his stupid. Fucking. Lies. 

Janus hated his voice, but he hated his words more. 

And of course, that was the moment Roman chose to sit down at the table. Janus shook his head to clear it of his distracting thoughts, and focused through the fog in his mind. _How did I not notice him? I must have been too caught up in my thoughts. I have to be better than this._

“So…” Roman said, drawing out the word. “You wanted to talk to me?”

“I- yes,” Janus replied, because apparently the words that were falling all over themselves to ruin his life had up and vanished from his head the second Roman started talking. 

“About what?” _Feigning ignorance. How very Roman._

“You know what,” he answered, feeling strangely detached, as if he was on autopilot. 

“Okay, but _what_ about… that?”

Janus held in a sigh. This was going to be more tiring than he thought. _Next time, how about I don’t blindly open up to someone it would be a_ spectacularly _bad idea to trust?_

“Look, I think we ended our conversation on the wrong note that night, and I’d just like to… clear the air before any more time passes.”

“Is that really all you want?” Roman shifted in his seat

“I beg your pardon?” _What does he mean?_

“Do you really want to clear the air, or are you just trying to convince me not to tell the others your little secret?”

Janus blinked, taken aback by the question. “Well, obviously I would prefer to tell them on my own terms, and I honestly don’t think I’m quite ready for that. However, if you must insist on telling them yourself, I suppose I could make an exception.”

“Are you just saying that to earn my trust back?” Roman narrowed his eyes. 

Janus sighed. “Why did you agree to meet me if all you plan to do is be passive-aggressive and cynical? I thought you were supposed to be the dreamer.”

“Maybe it’s because I fucking miss you!” Roman’s voice was sharp and his patience was obviously wearing thin. “And don’t think I don’t notice you dodging the question.” _If I keep poking at his weak spots, eventually I’ll hit a nerve and he’ll storm off, which will buy me a little more time to find a way to get him to keep quiet-_ Janus shook his head, cutting off his train of thought. _Shut up shut up shut up, this is not the time!_

“Roman, I… don’t think I’m ready to have this conversation yet. Could we schedule a later date?” Janus fought hard to keep his voice from shaking. 

“ _No!_ You asked me to come here, and now you’re asking to reschedule everything? I want _answers_ , Janus.”

“I don’t _have_ answers. Not the answers you want, anyway.” Janus looked away. 

“I’m tired of you deciding what I do and don’t want!” 

“I’ve already rambled enough about my own issues. Just leave me alone!” Janus was well aware that he sounded like an angsty protagonist, but he was too deep in his anger to care. “Why do you even care so much, anyway? By all logic, you should hate me for the way I’ve been acting lately!” 

“I’m trying to _help_ you, you idiot!” Roman was beginning to lose his patience. 

“I know you don’t really want to,” Janus lowered his voice, trying to deescalate the situation; he didn’t want to attract attention or cause a scene. “I know-” But that had been the wrong thing to say. 

“You don’t know _anything_!” Roman snapped. “You think you’re so clever, and so terrible, but you’re confused, just like everyone else in this damned soap opera of a friend group! Stop being dramatic and get used to it.”

Janus inhaled, ready to deliver a crushing argument to the contrary, but Roman’s words rang true. There was no way he was going to address _that_ right now, though. Instead, Janus got up from the table, gathered his things, and walked out the door.

Deny everything and avoid consequences. That had been his strategy for this entire conflict, and he saw no reason to change it now. Not after this.

**Author's Note:**

> my sincerest apologies to those of you who hoped this would end well for janus and roman. this dumbassery will continue awhile longer


End file.
